This first night without Pepe was worse than I
had imagined. I asked myself, why was I feeling
this way again? Why, if I had lived a year without
my husband at home, did I feel like I was starting
from zero?
I fear a three month depression...just like the first
time. And I don't want to go through that once
more. I want to be well. I want to feel at home in
this house again.
Last night I didn't even know what to do with
myself. I could have done laundry, watched
television, taken care of my Ebay sales. Instead I
sat on my green sofa.
Once in a while I would tell myself, go pick up your room, or get those dishes out of the
dishwasher. Eventually I got around to picking up the kitchen. I didn't want to see our
coffee cups on the counter the next morning. And changed the sheets of our bed. As I took
them downstairs to the laundry I caught the scent of his cologne. I immediately put them in the
washer.
Finally at nine I found myself going out in the darkness, getting in my car and driving to
Ingles. Sandra was working at the video department, that gave me an excuse to
see how she was doing. I also rented a few movies, bought some soup and... sleeping pills.
So after saying goodbye to Sandra I drove back home. I heated some Campbell's vegetable
soup, grabbed a blanket, put on a "feel-good movie" that turned out to be a tear jerker,
and cried some more. When Sandra called me to let me know she was at her apartment...
It was time to take a sleeping pill. I fell asleep right there on my green sofa.
And while I was dreaming, my husband arrived in Spain.
| Carrier Flight # | Depart | Arrive | Equipment Type | Stops | Flight Time | |||
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| Time/Date | Airport | Time/Date | Airport | |||||
| Delta 0126 | 7:55pm 15 Mar 2011 |
JFK | 8:35am 16 Mar 2011 |
MAD | Boeing 767 Passenger | 0 | 07:40 | |
