It rained for 40 days and 40 nights when God wanted to
cleanse the world and start over.
(Gen 7:12 KJV) And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty
nights.
FORTY WEEKS. It's been forty weeks since Pepe left on Delta flight 108, headed
to Madrid, Spain. The exact day... February 25, 2010. On that day I started this
blog. But something else happened that day as I returned home from the airport.
My life, as I had known it for the last 24 years ended. My soul hurt. I felt empty,
and in my mind a major storm brewed...with thunder and lightning included. It
rained...it rained...and it rained! The rain became a sea. The sea could not be
contained. It overflowed in form of tears... And in that sea of tears I sailed off to
a new world. One where my husband wasn't by my side. I would have to face
confusion, loneliness, fears, and the scariest part...here it comes...ME!
So for days and days, I felt trapped...depression and insomnia, two old buddies
of mine came around to keep me company. How nice of them, right? At this point
the only thing that cleared my head was blogging. Wait! Did I say cleared?
No, not cleared...I guess it was more like... overwhelmingly confusing, but less
overwhelmingly confusing than trying to figure out my situation of being
"left behind" while Pepe went off to scout new land. Therefore, I clung to
deciphering the secrets of how to blog...rather than deciphering my tangled
thoughts...Or was it that I just didn't even want to start untangling the mess?
After all, it wasn't from now...it took years in the making. It was best to leave
it alone.
Yet, as first weeks passed I missed my husband more and more. I had Sandra and
Alonso to keep me company. But the empty bed was unbearable...I talked to
myself more than my mother did to herself...and blogging at wee hours of the
morning had become a habit out of sleeplessness. I needed him back...I wanted
him back. But ...that was not a realistic thing to ask. Anyway, what was I
complaining about? Was this not what I had asked for so many times? Didn't I
want time to be myself? Didn't I want to be free from my boring married life?
Our children were adults now and I missed those days when they kept me
going...and feeling young. Things were just not the same. We were in a rut.
Hey, I am being honest! I have a great husband, I love Pepe, but we were...
No, I WAS bored.
Throughout our marriage, Pepe, was always content with EVERYTHING and
EVERYONE including himself...I believe that is why everyone loves him back so
much! On the other hand, I had "issues"...So from time to time, (severe PMS,
stress, or just hormonal-moody me), I would cry out to God pleading for a
breather...an escape...to be able to be alone for a while...because I was tired
and unhappy...blah,blah, blah. Oh, and of course those words, I would say
those words that are so "in" now, I need time alone to find myself.
BLAH! Time. My days were so filled with the duties and obligations of a "good"
mom that by the end of the day, exhausted in bed, there was no time
to go searching for ME. I searched for much needed sleep instead. But was I
really unhappy at times? Or was it that I was unhappy with myself for not being
able to pursue any of my dreams...not having found a passion in life?
My dreams...hmmmm....I'd rather not stir that up now.
So one day, in my empty bed, as I tried to reconcile sleep, I realized what had
happened. The saying "Be careful what you wish for ...you might just get it"
slapped me across the face...Oh, yes! Be careful. You might just find yourself in a
predicament JUST LIKE ME. I got what I wished for and now I wished I could
take it back. Too late. So...was this punishment for not really appreciating who I
had next to me? Or could it be that my prayers were being answered and I was
just not getting it?
Bah! What am I talking about...answered prayers? Please! After all, as the days
passed by I realized I didn't have that much ME time in my hands...who was I
fooling? For the first 12 weeks I was an honest to goodness zombie, who had a
truck load of new obligations. I had mine PLUS Pepe's now... including the
dreaded one acre lawn...How was I supposed to find myself with this mess going
on? Thank goodness I was able to vent out by blogging about my everyday life.
But best of all was being able to talk to Pepe about it. What would I have done
without his moral support and long-distance love?
Pepe called me twice, in the morning while I had coffee, and at night when I was
having dinner. At the beginning of our separation we were both feeling run down,
both had doubts about what we had done, and both cried at one point of the
conversation. Pretty sad, right? But things started changing as we both adjusted
to being apart...especially our conversations, which got longer and longer. We also
laughed more and more! As I felt better, I started opening a little more in my blog
and letting loose my sense of humor...why not? Pepe always liked that side of me
and I had tucked it away deep in my heart...bringing it out only once in a while
with family, or friends. Now Pepe was able to read the blog and enjoy my
humor every day...he looked forward to my posts...and I looked forward to
what he had to say about it. I was liking this very much. VERY MUCH indeed.
I just couldn't wait for his next call...it was my favorite part of the day. Funny,
we were beginning to sound like a young couple in love over the phone. Was it
the distance, or could it be I loved him more than I thought?
As the weeks passed by.... I blogged, and blogged some more. I talked to Pepe,
and talked some more. I took care of Alonso. I watched movies with Sandra at
home. I visited my son, Christopher, in Atlanta. I took, Maricela, a young Mexican
woman, pregnant with twins to her Doctor visits...one day out of the blue she
shyly asked for help setting up an appointment, and I ended up volunteering to
drive her, and to be her translator...since she had no one. It turned out to be
a blessing in desguise. I firmly believe God put her in my life to learn from her. But
that is another story...At work, I was determined to enjoy the time I spent there.
With new found confidence, (thanks to comments in my blog by family and
friends) I opened up to customers...and if I could make some of them laugh, even
better. It worked. Soon I had customers rolling on the floor laughing with some of
my comments. It was wonderful to see another side of them...and eventually
I was enjoying people again. (If you have worked retail you know what I mean.) I
found all of this so rewarding...and somewhere along I forgot about finding ME.
Could this be possible?
Twenty two weeks had passed before I finally bought the airfare ticket. Twenty
seven by the time I started my countdown on September first...that day
ANTICIPATION started running through my veins. Twenty nine weeks had
passed when I got on board Delta 108, September 13th, with a very clear
understanding that this trip was all about Juani, Pepe and creating wonderful
moments together. It was about showing my husband how much I had missed
him...how much I really loved him...
Weeks 29, 30, and 31 in Spain were simply unforgettable!! We had never done
so much in such a short period of time! Although we spent time with our
daughter, grandkids and lots of family we made sure to have lots of very special
US time. Ah, Spain...the country were Pepe and I met...we first kissed...we
married...we raised our kids...we had family...we had great friends. Great
memories flourished to the surface. We left 11 years ago thinking we could
do better here in the States. What we won in material things... we lost in family
life. However we learned valuable lessons that made us stronger as persons. As
the days passed in Spain I felt closer to my husband than I had ever been...this
time saying goodbye was even worse... But I blogged about those days together.
My husband loved it and I feel proud. I am thrilled that we are to be able
to go back and enjoy the sights, the memories as often as we want...and that
brings happiness and a sense of accomplishment that I lacked before.
Back in Georgia, week 32 started with taking a good look at my house. My
prized possession did not look the same to me. I had spent so much time, energy
and money in this house...WHAT FOR? I realized it gave more headaches than
satisfactions. Anyway... no matter what I did... the house didn't love me
back. Why had I spent so much time and so much money on this house for?
Why ...why...did I not spend the little time I had with my husband having
fun...going places more often? After all he did love me back! Oh, boy....This
made me wonder...I think.. I screwed up my priorities...What's this I am feeling?
Is there something untangling in my head?
Eight more weeks have gone by since I returned from being with Pepe. That
means this is WEEK 40. I can see now there has been a mayor transformation
in me. I can see now God answered my wishes...my prayers.. in various ways
during this period by allowing me to wonder through this journey on my own,
clearing my mind and letting me see what I know now: I know that we are doing
the right thing...I know that I want to start my new life...I know that I love my
husband and never want to be without him until death do us apart...I know that
being bored with your marriage is of your own choosing, things can change if you
want them to. I know that you are not lonely if you open your heart to a
stranger. I know that this separation was THE way toward finding myself
EVEN though I couldn't see it happening with all the extra chores and problems.
I know that I want to keep writing...blogging. I have found a passion.
I have found ME...it is written all over it.
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Important 40s.
Instances in the Bible where God made major changes
and transformations after the period of 40
It rained for 40 days and 40 nights when God wanted to cleanse the world and start over.
(Gen 7:12 KJV) And the rain was upon the earth forty days and forty nights.
Noah waited another 40 days after it rained before he opened a window in the Ark.
(Gen 8:6 KJV) And it came to pass at the end of forty days, that Noah opened the window of the ark which he had made:
Embalming required 40 days (although this was an Egyptian custom, the Egyptians recognized the period of 40 for the preparation of going into a new life, what they called the afterlife)
(Gen 50:3 KJV) And forty days were fulfilled for him; for so are fulfilled the days of those which are embalmed: and the Egyptians mourned for him threescore and ten days.
Moses was on the mountain with God for 40 days (TWICE)
(Exo 24:18 KJV) And Moses went into the midst of the cloud, and gat him up into the mount: and Moses was in the mount forty days and forty nights.
(Exo 34:28-29 KJV) And he was there with the LORD forty days and forty nights; he did neither eat bread, nor drink water. And he wrote upon the tables the words of the covenant, the ten commandments.
(Deu 10:10 NIV) Now I had stayed on the mountain forty days and nights, as I did the first time, and the LORD listened to me at this time also. It was not his will to destroy you.
Moses' face shone after the 40 days on the mountain.
(Exo 34:29 KJV) And it came to pass, when Moses came down from mount Sinai with the two tables of testimony in Moses' hand, when he came down from the mount, that Moses wist not that the skin of his face shone while he talked with him.
It took the spies 40 days to search out the promised land and bring back fruit
(Num 13:25 KJV) And they returned from searching of the land after forty days.
The Israelites spent 40 years in the wilderness, one year for each day they explored the Promised Land.
(Exo 16:35 KJV) And the children of Israel did eat manna forty years, until they came to a land inhabited; they did eat manna, until they came unto the borders of the land of Canaan.
(Num 14:33-34 NIV) Your children will be shepherds here for forty years, suffering for your unfaithfulness, until the last of your bodies lies in the desert. {34} For forty years--one year for each of the forty days you explored the land-you will suffer for your sins and know what it is like to have me against you.
Goliath came for forty days before being killed by David
(1 Sam 17:16 NLT) For forty days, twice a day, morning and evening, the Philistine giant strutted in front of the Israelite army.
Elijah strengthened by one angelic meal went forty days to Mount Horeb where the Lord passed by and he heard the voice of God
(1 Ki 19:8 KJV) And he arose, and did eat and drink, and went in the strength of that meat forty days and forty nights unto Horeb the mount of God.
Jonah warned the City of Nineveh they had 40 days until God would overthrow the city. The people repented in those 40 days and God spared the city.
(Jonah 3:4 and 10 KJV) And Jonah began to enter into the city a day's journey, and he cried, and said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown.
And God saw their works, that they turned from their evil way; and God repented of the evil, that he had said that he would do unto them; and he did it not.
Jesus fasted for 40 days in the wilderness
(Mat 3:17 KJV) And lo a voice from heaven, saying, This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.
(Mat 4:1-2 KJV) Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil. {2} And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungered.
Jesus was seen in the earth 40 days after His crucifixion
(Acts 1:3 NIV) After his suffering, he showed himself to these men and gave many convincing proofs that he was alive. He appeared to them over a period of forty days and spoke about the kingdom of God.
And...even more!
- To understand a people, you must live among them for 40 days. ~Arabic proverb [1][2]
- in the Saying "Life begins at forty"
- in the expression "forty winks", meaning a short sleep
- the distance run in the 40 yard dash in American football scouting
- A song by Dave Matthews Band
- the number of years of marriage as the ruby wedding anniversary
- the number in the designation of:
- Interstate 40, a freeway that runs from California to North Carolina
- U.S. Route 40, the 2,285-mile (3,677 km) highway that runs from Baltimore, Maryland, to Park City, Utah, a portion of which follows the National Road
- European route E40 from Calais to Ridder
- the A40 and M40, important highways in the UK. The A40 is a trunk road in England and Wales, connecting London to Fishguard. The M40 motorway is the second motorway in the British transport network to connect London to Birmingham
- "40", a 1983 song by U2 from their album War
- The band Crush 40 The radio program American Top 40 The radio program Rick Dees' Weekly Top 40
- in the title of the Food Network show $40 a Day
- in the name of WD-40, a spray lubricant
- in the name of the food additive FD & C Red Dye #40, commonly known as Red 40;
- the number of thieves in Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, from Thousand and One Nights (both the numbers 40 and 1001 are more likely to mean "many" than to indicate a specific number)
- the customary number of hours in a regular workweek in some Western countries. The song, "40 Hour Week (For a Livin')" by Alabama(as well as their album, 40-Hour Week), takes its name from the standard workweek length.
- many distilled alcoholic beverages (such as vodka) contain approximately 40 percent alcohol by volume
- Form 1040 (referred to as a "ten-forty") is a standard Internal Revenue Service form used to file for federal taxes in the United Sates
- UB40 is a form for those claiming unemployment benefits in the United Kingdom. The band UB40 was named after this form;
- The Rolling Stones CD Forty Licks;
- the number of positions on a number of radio countdown programs, most notably American Top 40 and American Country Countdown.
- the M40 (field protective mask), a United States military gas mask
- .
- forty is the number of weeks for an average term of pregnancy, counting from the woman’s last menstrual period.
- The age for people is middle age in some cultures.
- In tennis, the number 40 represents the third point gained in a game. A score of 40-40 (three points each) is called "deuce", at which time a player must score two consecutive points to win the game.
- Ronald Reagan was the 40th president of the United States;
- In the song "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson, the lyrics state that "For forty days and for forty nights / the law was on her side" in reference to the Genesis story of Noah.
- ABOVE REFERENCES FROM WIKIPEDIA.
