12
COUNTDOWN: DAY 12
HOSPITALS AND LOSES.
PRIORITIES.
If yesterday I was jumping for joy as I started my countodown on my
awaited trip to Spain, today I was full of anxiety and doubt. Late
last night my husband, Pepe, informed me that his cousin, Marian,
a wonderful, bright, young woman had been hospitalized in critical
condition. The doctors had informed that her brave battle against
cancer would soon come to an end. What painful news! Marian's
mother, an angel of a woman, passed away only 8 months ago! Pepe's
family is heartbroken. So is he. So am I.
Yet, my mind started wondering. As terrible as this was, a thought
crossed my mind...actually, I think it's that darn 6th sense I have
that jumped the alarm. Would I arrive to a funeral? Sadness set in.
Doubt set in. Anxiety set in. My feelings overwhelmed me. I thought
about postponing the flight to another month to avoid this terrible
situation of loss and grief. I asked myself, "Should I stay, or should
I go?". I cried and cried not wanting to face reality. Deep down...all
I wanted was to crawl under my bed, and avoid any thoughts on how
this would impact my trip, since these situation depress me so much.
Afterall, there has not been a single trip in the last 10 years to Spain
that hasn't been clouded by hospital stays and loss of loved ones!
Furthermore, the memories of those trips to Spain made their entrance
in my mind:
In 2001, I traveled to see my Mom before she would no longer recognize
me. Her Parkinson was taking a toll on her memory. And my dearest
brother-in-law Fernando had cancer. It was a tough situation to deal
with...two loved ones at once. Fernando passed away a few months later
leaving my sister devasted.
In 2002, my Mom passed away. My sister, Hilda, and I were called
to rush to the airport and get on the next flight to Madrid. Our Mom was
dying. We hurried home, our husbands helping as much as they could,
and raced on I-85 to the airport. Air France was our only option. The
flight made a stop in Paris, where we lost the connecting flight... and
arrived in Madrid a bundle of nerves, and to make it worse Air France
lost our luggage. Our niece, Ana, drove us directly to the hospital
where amazingly, Mom was waiting for us. She passed away six
hours later.
In 2006, I traveled to see my best friend Maria, who on Christmas
Eve informed me she had cancer and aked to see us one more time
before it was too late. Pepe and I didn't think twice about it, in February
we visited her and said our goodbyes to the friend we loved so much.
In July, 2009, I travel again, this time for my grandson Gabriel's birth.
Although a wonderful event, the combination jet lag, knowing he
was to be born with cleft lip and palate, and a full month of not
sleeping ...made me a walking zombie. I arrived in Atlanta
exhausted...and feeling much older.
In October, 2009, once more I head to Madrid. This time for Gabriel's
surgery. A joyous ocasion,yes...but oh, how hard to see my 4 month
grandson, and so many other children going through so much! By the
end of the first week in the hospital with Mayra and Gabriel, I looked
like I should be one hospitalized....a mean virus brought me down.
After my review, I called my husband to ask his opinion on my possible
change of dates. All I can say is that I felt terrible to even mention
it, but he was so understanding as always. Why is he always so good to
me? I wondered that instant, how could I not be by his side in a moment
like this...a man that has so much love for everyone. A man that during
his hospital visit the night before,was able to bring Marian to tears...
but from laughter! I thought...that is what life is about. Being there
for the people you care, no matter how hard it is. So I dealt with my
feelings, and I reminded myself once again that God is in control,
not me. Focused, and with priorities in the right order, I hopeI can
see Marian when I get to Spain and be able to help out in any
way I can.
I forgot about my doubts...I forgot about my anxiety...I forgot about
changing dates.
