Dedicated to my sister Hilda
with love
Juani
ATTENTION: THIS STORY IS BASED PARTLY ON THE TRUTH.
MY SISTER'S NAME HAS NOT BEEN CHANGED TO PROTECT
HER PRIVACY...THE DUDES SHE DATES ARE REAL....
MEET MY SISTER HILDA.
IS SHE NOT A BEAUTY?
Yes, my sister Hilda is the queen of S.I.D. , or Senior
Internet Dating. At 63 she has mastered the art of going
out to dinner.... for free! But, I sometimes worry. You see,
my sister has a very soft heart, and when she meets
someone on line...well, I guess you could say she sees
only good in them. Although ....a few dates later, she ends
up seeing what I do from the beginning!
Meet some of the guys:
Like Lorenzo...she went out with him because he reminded
her of Andrea Bocelli. He told her he sang opera.
The guy was just a clown...
Or J.R. from Texas, who promised her yellow roses.... but wouldn't get off his horse to go pee.
Then there was Mr. Burgundy that claimed he owned
a winery...or did he say he drank one?
And how could I forget Broken Wallet...this one was a
con artist...
His real name was Rico Sanchez, and is currently serving
time for ripping off elderly women.
Nevertheless, nothing stops her. Hilda goes on happily
with her dating. I just listen ...and never try to get involved,
after all she's a grown woman. But....last week things
changed. You see, I
stopped at her place to have coffee,
and chit chat. Then she started telling me about her
latest
and greatest internet find.She poured me a cup of coffee and said, "Oh Juani,
I am talking to this guy, Drake, and I know what you
are thinking...but this one, this one is sooooo different".
I turned around and rolled my eyes...Oh boy how many
times have I heard that before! - "wait 'till you meet
him. He is so distinguished and elegant. He says he is
somewhere from Europe...can't remember the place, some
thing like Pennsylvania"
-"Really? What's his last name?" I asked casually.
-"Kullah, with an h at the end. Isn't it different?" she
said excited.
Hmmmm....hmmmmmm...I thought. Kullah, Drake.
Drake Kullah???????!!!!!
-"Oh wow...yeah...that's different, ahhhhh...ummmm....
can I see his profile photo?" I asked trying to pretend
I wasn't nervous...but I was dying to see a guy with a
name like Drake Kullah...that just didn't seem right.
-" Yes, come here 'sistercita'...ha! ...he asked me to dress
real elegant...and he is going to wear a cape to the opera
and,..oh! Can you imagine? I can't wait for Friday night!!!
And Juani, he is intelligent ...can he talk about history!
It's like he's been around for ever". She said as we walked
to her room where the computer was. She clicked the mouse and, VOILA, the photo came up.
My eyes became the size of pancakes, my jaw dropped.
I thought I was going to die!!! NO WAYYYYYYYY! My
sister was in danger with this internet sucker!!!
Think, Juani, think....YOU NEED A PLAN!!!
_"Hilda...this time you got a real winner, why don't you
come over to my house for dinner and afterward go to the
opera?"
-"Ah, I wish ...but he said he is in the middle of cleansing
his colon...you know, getting rid of his toxins, and drinking
just water with chili peppers and maple syrup. That's so 'in'
these days. It would have been nice though".
-"Please, then ask him to pick you up at my house and
that way you can eat dinner with me!".
-"That's right your house is close to 85! Ok. sounds good".
That Friday I got the ingredients for my plan.
potatoes,mayonnaise, flat leaf and LOTS OF GARLIC!!!!!
I peeled and cut the potatoes in chunks and put in a pot
with water and some salt.
Brought to a boil and lower heat until tender.
then drained...and started with the Ali Oli, or in this case
Batman repellent sauce!!!!!
One cup Hellman's mayo and one large clove of garlic...but
for this occasion I put 15 large ones!! Then, I went on to rub
my furniture with garlic and rubbed some on my neck, arms,
legs and toes!!!
Later on that night, Hilda knocked at the door.
-"Wow, Juani, what have you cooked? It's so..soo...garlicky!
What, you want to scare off a flock of vampires or what!"
We both laughed...."what is he going to think?"
-"That we are Spanish?". We both laughed again...
I served steaks with the potatoes and some grilled asparagus.
Hilda tasted the potatoes and said. " Juani, they don't taste like
always...Gosh, they are clearing my sinuses!" and she coughed
and coughed. "Pow..cough, poowerffff...cough, powerful stuff!"
-"Yeah...cough..I..cough...yeah, I know! I put an extra garlic"
I drank water....tears were rolling down my cheeks!"You know
garlic is goo goo... is goooo...cough...good for you!"
We had just finished eating, when there was a knock at
the door. It was Mr. Kullah....right on time 8 PM.
-"Hilda, hurry...go to the bathroom, you've got parsley between
your teeth!!!" . No she didn't ...really.
-"No! I hate that! It always happens to me, go...go open
the door please!" and she went running down the hallway.
I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a large bowl of garlicky
potatoes, ran to the door opened it while holding the bowl
with one arm, and put a grin on my face. Then I said,
"Mr. DrakeKulah...how nice to meet you!" blowing my breath
right in his face. He made a hissing sound, opened his cape and
turned into a bat!!!
As he flew into the night, I waived and said....
"SO LONG S-U-C-K-E-RRRRR!!!!!" and closed the door.
Hilda, came to the living room and asked where her date was.
I told her...."Hilda! He got a call and he left in a hurry!
Something about a family emergency over seas and that he
needed to donate blood!!! How terrible, huh?....Why don't you
and I go to the opera?"
-"Alright then, let's. He would have turned out like the other
ones anyway. Right?" she shrugged her shoulders and smiled.
-"Oh, you know you are right girl!!! Let me just take a
shower first!!!"
THE END
