FOOD STORIES

FATAL ATTRACTION PASSION...

                                                                             

 Dedicated to all who love with...PASSION...

 

From the moment I set eyes on  you...I desired you intensely. 

What strong attraction!! Your soft, silky skin called my name.

I wanted to hold you...to caress you ...OH!! What irrational desire

to make you mine!!

 

This...was fatal attraction!!

I stood still, admiring your beauty. Should I dare to take you

home with me, or not? My adrenaline was rising...I was loosing

control... All I could think about was you....you...you!!  In a

frenzy, blinded by my passion, I dared to do it. Not caring whether

you would love me back or not, I reached out to you, and held you

tight against my heart. I said, "I love you...you belong with me"...

asI put you in a bag. I then took you home with me. 

 

Once home, I took you out of the bag. You laid there...on my

kitchen counter. Oh, the joy!! You were about to be mine forever!!

Searching around the drawers frantically, I found the perfect knife.

 

Then... passion took over!

 

I sliced you...not too thick ...not too thin... 

 

 Next, to keep your beautiful color...and take away any  bitterness

you might have, I bathed you salted water.

 

 

Back to the bag you went...but, this time with flour to seal your

natural juiciness...

 

Next, I took 3 or 4 eggs, I can't remember...my mind was racing.

I added some salt and beat them well. I thought of adding

some parsley, even some garlic. But, no! Not this time!

You went in. First one side...

 

Then the other...Now, I started heating some delicious 

olive oil in a pan to fry you in.

 

You went in. First one side....

 

 Then the other....until, all the slices were delicioulsly golden! 

It was time for you and me, baby. You and me! 

 

I let loose my passion...and ate the

whole eggplant!!

*Note* This eggplant is a great side for any pasta dish,

or you can put in in a baking dish, cover it with your favorite

tomato sauce, sprinkle with Mozzarella and Parmesan cheese

and bake until  golden. Also, try it in layers, in a lasagna,

replacing the noodles with it!

                                      Yum, yum!!!!

 

 

 

 

ROAMING BUFFALO RUB

The full moon reflected it's beauty on Lake Karikaquaw. A member of the

Kickapoo tribe, Wanna Man In Her Tepee, sighed looking  at the silver reflection

on the still waters. She thought of the man she loved for so long in silence, 

Keeper of the Flame. If only his big, brown eyes would notice her, but...HOW?

He only had eyes for She Who Has Big Breasts! She wished upon a falling star

that she might find a way into his heart, then got up from the soft, moonlit grass, 

and headed back to her lonely tepee.

The next morning, Chief Don't Ruffle My Feathers, gathered his people. He  

announced that his son, Wild Hunter, had captured during the night a strange 

white man. The Chief made a signal with his hand, and let out a loud grunt. Out

of his tepee, Wild Hunter, brought forward, with hands and ankles tied with deer

skin, a chubby,little, old man with a look of panic on his face.The great Chief said,

"Silence!", and asked his Co-Chief ...Visions After Smoking to speak. 

He said, "How".

Everyone answered in a chorus, "How!!".

Visions After Smoking just stood there. Blank. Chief Don't Ruffle

My Feathers smacked him on the head.

"Ouch! I had a vision..................."

Everyone was waiting eagerly, watching his rolling eyes.

The Chief, smacked him on the head again.

"Ouch! I had a vision.......a vision....a vision...."

Chief Don't Ruffle My Feathers' feathers were getting ruffled...

He raised his hand, and was ready to smack him a third time

when Visions After Smoking, opened his eyes wide and said:

"We do not kill the dude. We must learn from him, for more

dudes are coming! Ummmm...Ummmm....wait! The purple,

laughing squirrel in the sky says Wanna Man In Her Tepee must

learn the pale dude's language! Let it be so....Peace and Love." 

Everyone applauded.

Wanna Man In Her Tepee's jaw dropped. What had she done to deserve this! But,

she had to do...what she had to do. Maybe this new venture would keep her

from daydreaming with Keeper Of The Flame. Everyday from then on, she spent

trying to communicate with the little old man. 

 

His name was Antonio Banderitas, He did nothing to run away, and was friendly.

He also observed how Wanna, as he called her, looked with love at Keeper Of The

Flame. He was a romantic at heart,and wanted to help her. He planted an herb 

garden with seeds he had kept in his pocket, as he was the cook of a Spanish

expedition. When the time came, he called Wanna, and took her to the garden.

 

Months went by....and they learned each other's language.

"I have seen how you look at Keeper Of The Flame. I want to help you win his

heart." He said softly, with a Spanish accent. 

"My heart belongs to him! But, he does not know I exist...and...two warriors,

Dances With Dogs and He Who Has Teeth LikeBeaver, have showed interest

in me! I must settle for one...and forget about my true love!".

"Child! Never settle for a man you don't love!" He took a basket, 

and started placing the fresh herbs, and garlic in it. 

 "Come now, I must show you!" 

This is oregano, cumin, garlic, black pepper...and, chicken bouillion.

And, yes, they are dried. Just for the purpose of the story you can

imagine them fresh!

 

Antonio, mashed all the ingredients well, then added olive

oil. (When Wild Hunter captured him he was cooking and did not

let go of his precious olive oil.) He blended everything well and

made a paste.

 

He bought a nice roaming buffalo leg at the local meat market tepee, 

 (You can use pork, like I do...who has an oven for a buffalo leg!)

 

He rubbed the herbs and spices all over the meat....

 

He cut some slits on the buffalo, and rubbed in the herbs and spices...

 

Then, he added carrots, onions, and green pepper...to the pan.

 

Antonio, added plenty of water to the pan, and covered it well...then he put

it in an enormous oven! "Wanna, this rub will be the key to Keeper Of The Flame's

heart! You will conquer him...forever ...with your cooking!", he said with a

big smile.

 

All the men of the tribe wanted to taste the roast...but, she said 

 it was  only for her true love, and handed a plate to Keeper Of The Flame.

                     The rest is history...

They were happily married for many, many, many, silver moons...

                       ************************            

Recently, a drawing of Wanna Man In Her Tepee, on her wedding

day..has been recovered from an old Indian site. I will share it

with you!

The way to a man's heart is always ...

through his stomach!!

 

 

 

 

MENOPAUSAL GAZPACHO.

 

PASSION... is not  what's making me BURN.

DESIRE... is not what's making my heart POUND.

SEX... is not what's making me sweat PROFUSELY.

SO, what is it?

A MENOPAUSAL HOT FLASH! Combine it with the  infernal

heat of a Georgia summer, and you feel like disappearing from the face

of the earth....However, because I am not a magician and can't go "PUFF" 

into thin air, I call upon my Spanish wisdom to help me fight this battle

of the flashes...and a few minutes later I remembered how people 

cool down in the hot summer months in Spain!

I got up from the coolest place in the house, the dinning room floor, 

ran to the kitchen to frantically opened the fridge, stuck half my body in, 

and search for red, ripe tomatoes....

 

Aha, found 3 lbs. of juicy ones...Now ....cucumbers.

Let there be a couple of cucumbers!

Fantastic, two medium or one large...will do!

I searched in the "produce" drawer for onions,green peppers

and garlic....then, got the rest from my cabinets. Olive oil,

vinegar, salt, a slice or 2 of day old bread. Ok, maybe older...

who cares if it's hard as a rock as long as it doesn't

have mildew...it's alright!

Now, as a new hot flash is about to hit...I vent my frustration

on the tomatoes and chop it quickly into small pieces...

and do the same with the cucumbers....

 

Please...everyone stay away...I have a hot flash and a knife in

my hand.. not good...I have to throw myself on the cool dining

room floor again!!!

                                      A few minutes later....

"It's OK, everyone...it's going away", I inform my family as I get up. 

Back in the kitchen I add about 1/2 a small green pepper, 1/2 a small

onion chopped , 3 cloves of garlic 1/3 cup olive oil, 1/3 cup vinegar, 

1 cup water and salt to taste.

No, it can't be!!!!!!!! AAAAGGGHHHHH.....it's hitting again!!!!!! I feel

like beating it all to a pulp with my hands...but I must finish this...so I

grab my "whatever you call it" and beat it until smooth. You can use a

blender or a food processor.

It's looking good! After it's all blended, I strain it....very important.

COMPRENDE?  And, now I can put it in the fridge OR put in a glass

with some ice cubes and drink it...

I think I will do both!!! Have some now....and later I will have it as a cold

soup and will add some chopped tomatoes, peppers, and cucumbers as a 

garnish. Oh, some croutons go well too!!!

                                                  COOLEST SOUP EVER

         NOW WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT THIS BEFORE!!!!!!

  

 

 

CAVEMEN EDIBLE MUSH.

 

The weather was changing. Gloomy days, rain, and chilly winds... 

All the  cavemen of Rock-o-Villas were tired of their damp caves.

They constantly scratched their heads, while asking themselves,

what was happening to their world...Was the sun gone forever? Will

it ever stop raining? When would they be able to go out of the caves

and look for edible sides? All they had left in their rock coolers was meat

room the last dinosaur hunt, and little else! 

 

Their brains were hurting from so much thinking! Even worse, signs

of cave fever were starting to show....particularly at the Ugah's cave!                         

Ugah-woman, was stone bored of eating T-Rex steaks. She went to 

the kitchen area, grabbed a bat swatter and went straight to 

Ugah-man, who was taking a nap on a giant sloth rug. Ugah-woman

did not hesitate, she lifted the hand holding the bat swatter and 

let him have it. He sat up covering his face...and yelled, "Are you

loosing your pebbles?" She replied angrily, "You wear the mammoth

skins around here...you get something else to eat with the meat,

or there won't be any 'nocturnal predator pretending' for you!".

 

Ugah-man pulled his tangled hair, hit his chest with his fists

several times, and kicked their giant,  pet armadillo. A large slate 

plate flew straight to his head, knocking him to his knees.

Ugah-woman said  scornfully, "I told you to treat "Madillo" like part

of the family!!" He growled at her...

 

Ugah-man took off  in the rain. No luck. All the the no-meat edibles

were rotten from the water...He headed back home empty handed, and

fearing Ugah-woman. This was one soaking wet, miserable caveman.

 

As soon as he entered their cave, Ugah-woman asked if he had found

something. He shook his head. She growled and kicked him. He kicked

back. She jumped on him and bit him. He bit back. In a split second

they were wrestling on the floor...The commotion was such, that

one of the cave walls gave in and they stopped the fight to see

what had happened. They went over the rumbled rocks, and into 

the new open space. Ugah-woman said, "Hmmmm, I like...we

needed a new room! This rocks, Ugah-man!". He scratched his 

head, and said, "But, look...we need to clean up! What is that

strange stuff all over the floor?" 

Ugah-woman picked one up, and pressed it between her fingers.

It became mush. "I don't know..looks edible to me!". Ugah-man,

thrilled said, "You mean...we have a whole room of edible mush!" 

They looked at each other lovingly and said together, "We will

call the new edible  mushroom!!!" 

Ugah-woman  heated Extra Virgin Mammoth Oil in a pan. Then dded

the clean mushroom caps. 

Ugah-man added the salt and pepper...

She looked around and found 2 garlic cloves. He smashed 

them with his hand. In went the garlic!

Then...some  aged, white, foot stomped, grape nectar. It was

all stirred with a twig.  Ugah-woman thought it looked good, and put

on a plate. However, Ugah-man, who was still  searching for things

to add to the pan, found an onion. He loved  onions!

 

Ugah woman added  a little more oil to the pan...put the chopped

onion in, and said, "Babysaurus, get those T-Rex steaks going on the

hot rocks...this is almost done!" 

When the onions were soft, she added the mushrooms in the pan again.

He brought her some edible weeds growing outside the cave...

The weeds were chopped finely with her saber tooth knife...

Remembering she had some butter from the last time they churned

Yak milk, she added some, and saw it melt. Ugah-woman loved how

it smelled!

 Ugah-man, let out a loud "Two T-Rex steaks coming up!!".

Ugah-woman, responded happily, "Lots of mushrooms as a side! "

The mushroom and steak dinner was so satisfying  that after dinner

the Ugah's sat quietly ...lovingly...by the cave's fire place. "Ugah-babe

tomorrow we will tell everyone  to look for rooms full of mush in their

caves". He grunted and held her hand. 

 

Later that night, Ugah-man was given the ok for...

"nocturnal predator pretending".....

 

CAVEMEN PLANTAINS. PART 2.

 

Ugah-Man says: STOP RIGHT THERE!!! 

YOU MUST READ:

             CAVEMEN PLANTAINS   

BEFORE CONTINUING WITH THIS POST... OR 

HE WILL THROW AT YOU THE BIG ROCK IN

HIS HANDS...

It was a moon lit night, when the mastodont horn was blown to alert

all the sleeping cavemen in Rock-o-villas Caves. Ugah-man and his Ugah-

woman hurried off to the mountains, they had no time to pack...they 

needed to RUN. Everyone needed to run...the watchmen had spotted

a group of  cavemen from another area called the CHOSEN ONES, 

and they were coming  by the dozens, club in hand to beat their beliefs 

into the heads of  the Ugah-men! 

After a week of hiding, all the Ugahs returned relieved to their caves...

Ugah man was craving tostones  or "edible whatevers" and asked his wife 

to cook him some. When she looked in the basket, she found this; 

For the love of dinosaurs!!! They look funny...what happened? They used to be green!!!, she thought.

They peel easy ...and they are soft...much different. Hmmmmm...maybe they will taste the same! We got to eat...she said, "Oneorder of tostones coming up, sweety-poop!"

 

She had to slice them, not cut them in chunks and called Ugah-man to come see,then 

 said, "Babysaurus, you think they will be good ?" He said..."Uuuh, I better go hunt!".

  

She took the giant shell frying pan added some extra virgin mammoth oil, and

proceeded to fry them until they were golden on both sides.

 

Meantime....Ugah-man hunted down something with horns, and brought 

his woman some steaks, that she pan fried with green peppers. She also

remembered that earlier her cave neighbor brought her some rice with

beans. Great she would put it all together and hope it was good. 

She called Ugah-man to the rock table, and they dug in with their hands....OH, what a

surprise the edible whatevers, tasted sweet as giant-bee honey!!! They gave it a

name, "Maduros", which meant crazy metamorphosis.

 

Did you ever hear the saying:

Good things come to those who go away and then come back...

 

Me neither...

 

CAVEMEN PLANTAINS.

 

SOMETIME B.C.

 

A hunter was out for the kill. The mammoth was unaware. Ugah-man was

ready to throw a large boulder at the giant, when a  tyranowasp stung him in the

arm, causing him to drop the boulder on his foot...and yell bloody cave murder!!!

To his dismay...the mammoth ran away...now what, he thought, scratching

his head. Ugah-man was exhausted and badly hurt ...he needed to get home.

 But, what would he take to his Ugah-woman for food!!! He wondered for

days dragging his swollen foot... with not even a  tyronamouse in sight! 

Suddenly, he  found a tree with some strange things hanging..he smelled

them...grabbed as many as he could drag in his large hobbo-sloth-skin bag

and  headed to his cave praying to earth, wind, and fire that they would

be edible...

 

When he got home his Ugah-woman said, " Well, it was about time...where

in  the rolling stones have you been?"

He answered, "Honeysaurus, don't be mad...I got us something to eat! LOOK!"

She took one and smelled it and tried a bite, but it was too hard...so she tried peeling it...

Then cut it in pieces with her sabertooth knife...a wedding present from her next cave neighbors.

 

Then tried a piece...and said "YUCK"...maybe it should be cooked, she thought and took out her giant shell frying pan  and heated some mammoth oil...Hmmmm....she thought....hmmmm ...I hope it's edible!

She fried them in medium heat, until they were a golden color, then waited for them to cool.

Then she tried one...and said, "This is no good Ugah-man...I should have

listend to my Ugah-mom and not married you! You can't bring food to the

rock table!!!"

OH, that caveman had it....and let his fist down on the slate kitchen counter 

 over and over again...smashing the chunks of unknown whatevers, that ended up

looking like this:

They started fighting, throwing rocks at each other, spitting, biting, kicking, pulling 

each other's hair until they were out of breath...and starving...they needed to

eat!!! The Ugahs looked at each other, then the smashed up whatevers,and

wondered what would happen if they fried them again...

When they were golden brown they took them out and decided add some salt, before they tried a bite...

 

It was cave love at first bite!!! Crunchy, salty and delicious...it would have gone

great with mammoth stew, but...who was complaining? They gave it a name...

tostones, which means, "edible whatevers"...or in plain English, plantains. 

Ever heard the saying...

 

Better to hold an "edible whatever" in your hand, than to see 

a Mammoth running away!

Me neither.....

 

LOVERS' QUARREL BISTRO SOUP

 

Dedicated to my husband, Jose Miguel, whose  eyes light

up when I do silly things...

          I love you...Te quiero....Je T'aime!!!

 There is a cozy little bistro in the City of Lights called Chez La Guillotine that

serves  a French Onion Soup that  is to die for. It is located down by the Sien River

on Rue Bon Apetit. Folks go to relax, wine and dine in a casual, friendly setting.

The light brown paint is flaking off the walls and the old wood floors are worn down,

 but...be prepared to wait for a table if you want a taste of the scrumptious soup!

 

It's owner, Chef Jean-Pierre Camberbert du Foundue, was passionate about his

onion soup. Bowl, after bowl, after bowl, after bowl, after bowl, he prepared with 

love.

 

He spent hours and hours and hours and hours and hours cooking...His soup 

 was  so delicious because of  "le consome" , or beef stock he prepared daily. 

 

 

Early in the morning, Chef du Fondue would be the first to arrive at the bistro to start 

the base of his popular soup. He would heat le olive oil in le pan and then, he would

add  le beef shanks in carefully.

 

When well browned on both sides, it was time to drain the oil, and add le rest of the ingredients.

 

 

Le Leeks, le carrots, le tomatoes, le celery, le parsnips, le parsley,les onions,

le bell pepper, le garlic, les whole black pepper, le salt. Then he would cover all

with water.

Jean-Pierre brought it to a boil....and that reminded him of the woman he loved... 

Marie-Lu-Lu Le Brie. A monumental woman whose beauty deserved to be guarded 

in The Louvre. Her laughter was as bubbly as Champagne.  Her eyes could light

Le Eiffel Tower in the darkest night, and her kisses...oh her kisses ...as sweet 

as creme burlee!!! He took his wallet out and contemplated her photo..

 

 

"Oh, la la!!! Je t'aime Marie Lu-Lu Le Brie!!!" he murmured at the

photo. His heart was beating fast. and his temperature rising!!!

 

He went and sliced onions very thin. A mountain of onions!!!

 

 Next he sauteed them in olive oil,  medium-low heat adding a dash of salt 

 and keeping watch...stirring them  often until caramelized....

 

 THERE WAS A FAMILIAR KNOCK AT LE BACK DOOR....

                                                                                 HE RUSHED TO OPEN!                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

It was Marie Lu-Lu. Everyday she delivered the bread for her lover's famous soup.

She kissed him 14 times as the French do and said...........

"Wee nees to tak, mon amour!"

"Mon cheri...yu know je t'aime, butz... I most toasts le breads!..it weel

just have to waits!!! I promise we wees talk later. OUI?                                                                                                                                                                              

"Ajjjjjjjjjjj! Jean-Pierre you sink more abouts le breads than me. Yu have

upset me...I will drinks the vine!!!" 

 

  "Mon little flowerj! How cans   yu say thats!! Ands vat are doins drinking!

 Euuuuuhhh......It's six thirtty in the moring!!!"

 

 "Oh! Whats? I can nodrink the vine?  Yu do nots wants to talk....So 

 I drink!  Yu do nots love me... Yu love the soup

 

" C'est ne pas possible!!! I do, I do, loves yu....buts, La Guillotine

wills open in a few hours and I haven'ts even toasted le bread!!!"

 

"OH, PARDON!!!  LE BREAD HAS TO BEES TOASTED!!! THATZ  IS

MORE IMPORTANTS THANS WHATS I HAVES TO TELL YU!!!

 

"AAHHHHJJJJJ!!! SACRE BLU!!!!!!!!!WHATZ IS WRONGS WITH YOU TODAYS!!!!!!

I JUST WANTZ TO TOAST LE BREADS!!!!"

 

"Wells, thens do it!! Toast itz....see if I care!!!"

                      "Womans, who ares yu?" 

 

"Ex-cu-CE MOI? Dids I hear yu correctly? Whos am I???? 

                                                    WHOS AM I?????

 

 

"C'est moi! Le woman that feels alone....yu spent more time wiz the onions 

 thans wiz mee...yu live for your broth...nots for mee!!!

YU HAVE UPSET MEE... I WILL EATS LE BREAD!!!

 

"NO!! NO!! NO!!! NOT LE BREAD!!!I NEEDS IT FOR LE FRENCH ONION

SOUP!!!

 "Thats is all I hear...everyday...day after day...le soup...le soup...

blah, blah, blah, BLAH!!!!"

 

Jean-Pierre lost his nerves and shouted..."Marie Lu-Lu!!! Leave

 Le Guillotine before I loose my head!!!" And he drank the vine.... 

 

 Marie Lu-Lu cried....and cried....and cried.....But....before she left.....

 

She threw her shoe at Jean-Pierre hitting him in the head....and then

stormed out of La Guillotine!!!

Jean-Pierre stood in his kitchen...wondering what had happened to the love of

his life! He would call her later, but now the crew was coming in...and he needed to

continue with  the soup. 

 

 He toasted the bread...not too light...not too dark. Just perfect!

 

 Then he took out dozens of ceramic bowls and put onions, bread....

 

Grated Swiss cheese or sliced....and more onions....

 

more bread....   

 

more onions....then he filled with the beef broth ...more Swiss cheese to cover it all

and then he sprinkled with Parmesan cheese so that it would turn a golden brown when

baked in the oven...

 

When he was done with all the bowls, he  immediately called Marie Lu-Lu to see how 

she was doing. He started feeling bad ...all she wanted was a  minute of his time to say

something that was important to her...and he didn't listen! 

The restaurant was about to open the doors for lunch, but Jean-Pierre, for the first

time  told his other chefs they were in charge. He was going home! 

When Marie Lu-Lu opened the door to their home and saw it was Jean-Pierre she

could not believe he took off from work ....from his soup ...to come and talk...to say

he was sorry!

She gave him a sweet kiss ....and said, "Mon amour! Yu has made mee so

happy. I can'ts beelive you left La Guillotine! I ....am so sorrys ...I just

wanted to tells yu iz wee are havings a baby!!!" 

Jean-Pierre was so excited that he promised he would spend more time home....

She asked, " Buts, how? Le broth takes so longs!!!"

He answered, "With this I will save time!"

-"What a fantastic idea!!! Yu will do thats for mee?"

-"OUI, mon amour....I will do thats and more!' he said lovingly...

-"Jean-Pierre ....I haves a craving", she said with her eyes wide open.

-"Whats...I will run for yu"

-" I woulds like some Le French Onion Soup!!!"

 

                                               OH, LA LA!!!!!!!!!

 

 

DESPERATE HOUSEWIFE EGGS.

It was one of those days. Desperately Looking around the cabinets 

for something to eat...Hmmmmm, hmmmmm... I kept going to the fridge

and opening the door. Nothing. How many times did I look in the fridge?  

Why?  One good look should suffice. I asked myself: Why if we know what's in

the fridge...do we open it over and over, like something new is going

to magically appear inside? 

 

Blah! Basically I had potatoes, eggs, and onions of course. I am never out of 

spanish onions, OLE, OLE!!! But did I feel like making a "tortilla de patata"?

No, not really. Did I feel like making an omelet, naaah... too boring!!! What...

what to do with eggs and onions....OH, yes! I was becoming desperate.

A desperate, hungry housewife with a couple of eggs and one onion.

 

 

Think, think, think! AHA!!! Got it....I got my small frying pan out.

It's just as ugly as the rest of my pans. Then I grabbed the onion, peeled it

quickly, and sliced it thin so it would cook faster. No time to waste!

 

 

You have to forgive me for the bluriness of the photo but I was crying ...or is it that

I need glasses? When I dried my tears, I was ready to rumble ...like my hungry

 stomach!!! I heated some olive oil, forget Rachel Ray's complicated EVOO ...it's

O-L-I-V-E  O-I-L   period. Any kind you like.It makes up for the egg's cholesterol

you know. Then I threw the onions in the pan...fry baby fry!!!

 

How can onions turn sweet when caramelized? I always wondered.Yum,

I waiteddesperately for them to turn soft and golden brown.

 

 

At that point it was time to crash land the eggs in the onions, lower the heat and

cover the eggs until the whites are firm and the yolks are semi-soft, just the way

I like them. I imagined  how delicious this wouldtastes on top of a steak,

but no steaks in my fridge, maybe next time. I couldhave added home fries too,

because I did have potatoes,  but I sprinkled some salt on them, and had them

just like that with French bread.

 

 

I was quite a surprise, the richness of the egg yolks, the sweetness of the onions

and the aromatic olive oil. As a matter of fact I  was grateful I only had onionsand

eggs. This desperate housewife was  no longer so. I was onesatisfied happy woman!!! 

 

                 If I smoked I would have had a cigarette...

 

 

 

 

 

ANGRY BRIDE CAULIFLOWER.

Many, many, many, centuries ago... in a land, far, far, far, away....there 

was an ancient tribal clan called the ARAGONI-KUKUS. These people 

adored the cauliflower, goddess of marital bliss.

So important was this flower-plant to them, that brides married 

while holding one, adorned with  twigs, beetles, feathers, moss, pine

nuts, sparrow eggs, deer hoofs, bunny tails, squirrel bones, boar's 

teeth, and  whatever else they found in the forest to make it look

a little  prettier....

That is... until a certain clan- bride, Princess Me, holding her heavy

cauliflower-bouquet... was stood up by her Kuku fiancee, at Stone Altar

Church of Kuku

                                            OOOPS!!!

Princes Me, embarrassed and ANGRY, cried all the way to her castle-hut,

and took vengeance upon her Kuku fiancee  by casting a spell on the 

 cauliflower- bouquet that he may never be loved by any woman, including

the ugly ones! She proceeded to  wash all adornments off, separated the 

florets, and threw them into salted boiling water, while saying GRRRR....

GRRRRR!!!

When the cauliflower was tender but firm, She strained it...and 

wondered what to do with it next....

 

She was depressed, she was hungry, and the forbidden cauliflower was looking

good to her! Her mind started wondering... She had some flour...hmmmm...and her

 pet chicken had laid a few eggs so ...she covered the florets in the flour.

 

 
Then, she beat some eggs...added some salt and laughing, threw them in the eggs...

 

Princess Me tested the oil by dropping a few drops of egg..and laughed loudly

thinking what she would like to do to her fiancee.....(It was the momentary

 anger....she was a sweet girl. Put yourself in her straw shoes!)

 

 She saw it was time...and dropped the cauliflower  carefully in  the hot oil.

 

 
When they were all  looking golden brown and yummy she took them out and drained

them on ancient world paper towels to absorb the extra oil...

 

 
 

The princess tasted one, and thought it was DELICIOUS!  And, since she was

still ANGRY she ate it ALL!!! When she finished her last bite she felt full and

happy...and thought humbling the goddess of marital bliss to everyday food 

felt even better!!! So she made huge baskets of fried cauliflower and took it

to town where every Kuku tasted it and started adoring the cauliflower in 

a different way...and never were they used as bridal bouquets again!

 

 INSTEAD THEY USED BEETS!!!

 

PSICHIATRIC WARD PUDDING

A special thank you to all my wonderful family for being so special!                 

                                            I love you!!

Once a year my husband and I make a  trip for a  very special family reunion.

We visit part of my family... on my father's side. The Aragon side. They are all

so interesting, AND so much fun!  Ah, how I love them...so vibrant, so different...

so...so....soooo...hummmm...hummmm...what's the word I am looking for? 

Oh, yeah! ECCENTRIC!!!

Everyone takes a dish, and I am always requested to make my rice pudding. 

Honestly, more than a tradition it's MY PLEASURE...because nothing can be

easier!

As I measure 3/4 cup of rice, and put in a pan, I think about my lovely family....

 

I smile as I remember my sister....Maria del Carmen or "Cary". A wild one!

The day she turned 18, she vanished from Spain looking for fame. Our father 

searched all over the globe, until he found her in Morocco...singing in

a club.                                                     She was known as Madame Gold Fingers! The owner of the club offered

my dad 13 camels for my sister, but dad refused, and dragged Cary

 back home...

 

Oh, back to my rice pudding...I add 5 cups of water, a stick of cinammon,

and a pinch of salt...And speaking of turning up the heat...that reminds me of Nela. This flower

 

power cousin of mine did the strip tease version of Mary Poppins in 

San Francisco during the1960's! She doesn't let anyone forget it either...

When Nela sings and dances "supercalifragilisticoespialidoso" ...and she 

starts dropping those purses...let me tell you, it's time to run!!!

 

What's the next step to this recipe?  I bring it to a boil, making sure it

doe snot spill over...that can cause a sticky, smoky mess in your kitchen!

 

Oh, wow...I just remembered my  cousin, Monica, will be at the family

 

reunion! Monica holds the Guinness World Record for  fortune telling... 126

days non stop!!! 

This photo shows the conditions she was in when done with her last customer....

Yeah, that's what I call SMOKIN' HOT!!!

Well, as I was saying...I let it boil then lower the heat, cover it and let it simmer.

 Oh, my...I forgot!!! I need to add 1 lemon rind!!! That brings another

 

 

relative to my mind....

 

Maria Aragon, Spain's most daring aviatrix, made history by crashing

 

into a field of rice in Thailand. She was found 2 months  later trapped inside

her plane!!

My cousin Maria survived thanks to rice filling the plane as it swept through the

field and "puffing" with the engine's heat! Since then, she suffers from short

and long term memory....I must add she is the only family member that

does not like my rice pudding....

 

 

I am so sorry...my mind just keeps wondering. Let's check that rice...Aha,

 

looking good...nice and tender...Hmmm....hmmmm...."nice and tender" certainly does not describe my

niece Adriana...I must say she is a bit odd, since she was 3 years old she

believes she is Marie Antoinette and thinks everyone is after her "wig"....

Just imagine ...my sister had to take her to daycare with that wig on. Yikes!!!

 

 

My goodness, I should go on to add an 14 oz can of Borden's condensed milk

 

I love condensed milk...so rich, so sweet! My daughter Mayra is just like

that! She is the sweetest girl...she's not rich butshe ...well...Mayra THINKS

she is! What!!! What...if she sometimes believes she is Queen Elizabeth of England? 

She doesn't harm anybody... and observe how happy she looks...AWWW!!! 

Time to stir with passion  that condensed milk, making sure it does not stick

to the pan.

 

Hmmm...Speaking of "stirring" and "passion"! Madame Gold Finger's adopted

 

 

son, Morocco's acclaimed actor, Abdel-Karim Mahoud Al-Mohamme Dawi

A.K.A "Goldilocks" sure does that!!!  

His films, "Peroxide", "Blond Guys Have More Fun", and "Brokeback 

Mountain Camel Herder", have swooned dozens of fans!!! What a cool dude...

 

 

HAH, "cool" !!! I better put the rice pudding in the fridge! It still looks a

 

bit watery, but it will become creamy...and it will look like this

Once cold a sprinkle of ground cinnamon and it's ready to serve...

 

Oh, my! Tears of joy come to my eyes as I pick up last year's family

 

 

reunion photo!!

WACKY VALLEY  PSYCHIATRIC HOSPITAL... I will be there tomorrow ...

and I will bring the rice pudding!!!